Hug Your Infertility Sisters, Literally

I stepped into my mock transfer appointment, my heart cautiously beating in rhythm with my full bladder. Our journey through infertility had taken us farther than I ever imagined, and every visit to the clinic stirred a swirling concoction of complex emotions within me. Fear, hope, anxiety, and excitement danced together, their steps accompanied by the haunting companions of frustration and despair. Countless times, I had found myself at the front desk, attempting to suppress tears while confronted with another bill: $2,500 for this procedure, that cryostorage, and this visit. But it was a particular encounter with another infertility sister that ignited something deep within me—a spark that defied explanation.

I locked eyes with a stranger speaking to the front desk staff, on the precipice of a meltdown, and something shifted inside me. I lunged toward her without a second thought, enveloping her in a bear-sized embrace. Surprisingly, she embraced me back, tears mingling with mine. We stood amid a bustling waiting room, surrounded by alarmed staff members and my bewildered husband, who probably was questioning my sanity. But in that instant, I couldn’t care less about their opinions. At that moment, I knew this stranger needed validation from someone who intimately understood the chaos we both endured. And so, in a hushed tone, I invited her to join me on the waiting room couch, reassuring her, “This journey is incredibly tough, but you are not alone. Your emotions are valid.”

In the aftermath, this encounter resonated deeply with the person whose path had crossed mine. She reached out to me on Instagram, pouring her heart into a gratitude-filled message. In her words, I found a newfound IVF friend and sister and a powerful affirmation of the significance of human connection. It turned out that we both carried the burden of endo, forming an unbreakable bond born from the shared struggles of the worst club with the best members. It never ceases to amaze me what we can learn by simply engaging with others. But what struck me most was the depth of my newly awakened empathy. It was as if infertility had injected a potent potion of sisterhood and unwavering support into my veins, forever weaving itself into the fabric of my being. Had this encounter occurred a few years earlier, I might have remained silent, absentmindedly scrolling on my phone. Now, my perspective has transformed, aware of a world teeming with untold narratives and unspoken pain.

For that, I am grateful—for my endometriosis, my diminished ovarian reserve, and my infertility. These overwhelming trials have elevated me emotionally and spiritually, reshaping the very essence of who I am. It is a peculiar alchemy wherein my excruciating pain metamorphoses into a wellspring of strength for others, which has also aided in healing me. My revelation on this, comes from the words of the woman who shared that unforgettable moment with me. In her heartfelt message of gratitude she reminded me that our infertility sisters, not only those we encounter online, but also the ones who sit alone in real-life fertility clinic waiting rooms, grappling with the same thoughts, emotions, and fears that plague us all, really and truly need a hug.

The following morning, I woke up to a message from that fellow warrior:

Thank you for sharing our moment. You still have no idea what it meant to me to feel heard. I am so loved and supported by family and friends, yet no one truly knows what you are going through unless they are in it themselves. I almost called to change that appointment twice but didn’t. I was meant to meet you there. I was upset over finances for the second time in two weeks and crying in the office because I felt I was told one thing, and then it changed. The staff is immediately defensive, saying, “Well, you signed this and that.” All I wanted and needed was to be heard. To vent. Some empathy. Your hug and kind words calmed me faster than they ever could have. You are right; we need to operate with more compassion towards people. I was at the clinic a few weeks ago, and a couple was “graduating,” which included taking photos with their sonogram and the doctor in the waiting room. I wanted to clap and congratulate them as this dream brought us all there in the same office. However, the waiting room was packed, and I didn’t say a word; no one did, and I don’t know why. But from now on, I will hug, congratulate, and support others because I know exactly how I felt when you hugged me. We are all in the same unique situation and have the opportunity to help one another. We all reach out to strangers on social media groups when we have a waiting room full of support that we sit with every week and quietly scroll on our phones. I hope we can stay in touch and graduate together. 

I felt overwhelmed and at a loss for words. It was a moment that shook my core, leaving me deeply moved. In this humbling moment, there is only one plea that emerges: embrace your infertility sisters with open arms, especially those you encounter in the real world.

Some moments transcend language and our ability to articulate the magnitude of their impact. In the bustling waiting rooms of fertility clinics, amidst the whirlwind of emotions that sweep over us, there exists a quiet longing for connection. It is a yearning for understanding that can only be quenched through the tender embrace of someone who truly comprehends the depths of our struggles.

In these physical spaces, we often sit in solitude, our hearts heavy with unspoken fears, hopes, and dreams. But within these very moments, the power of compassion and solidarity shines brightest. By opening our arms and hearts to our fellow infertility sisters, we create a sanctuary of shared experiences where the weight of our burdens is lightened through the unwavering support of one another.

So, I beseech you—do not underestimate the transformative potential of a simple hug, a compassionate touch, or a genuine word of encouragement. Embrace those who stand beside you in the waiting room amid their silent battles. Let them know they are not alone, their journey is valid, and their emotions matter.