Building Mental Resilience: Tips for Preparing for an Embryo Transfer

By: Erica Ferraro

Embryo transfer anxiety is a real challenge, but let me tell you, you’re not alone. I’ve been on this roller coaster for weeks, preparing for my first fresh embryo transfer. It feels like my entire future and well-being hinge on the success of this transfer. If you’ve gone through the process of creating and preparing to transfer an embryo, you know exactly what I mean.

There are two types of embryo transfers: fresh and frozen. Fresh transfers involve fertilized eggs growing into mature blastocysts and then being transferred into the uterus on day 3, 5, 6, or 7 of development. Day 5 embryos typically have higher success rates, but plenty of women have achieved pregnancy with embryos from other days too. On the other hand, frozen embryo transfers occur when mature embryos are frozen and then transferred later or undergo genetic testing (PGT).

The advantage of a fresh transfer is that it’s more affordable (no PGT costs) and quicker (no waiting weeks for test results). Plus, it gives each embryo a chance to thrive. However, without genetic testing, you can’t be certain if the embryo is normal, which means potential risks of miscarriage cannot be mitigated. With a frozen embryo transfer, you have the advantage of additional time to prepare your body or opt for genetic testing. PGT testing, even for a single embryo, can be expensive. We spent $4500 to test our only embryo, only to find out it was abnormal.

My husband and I are currently preparing for a fresh transfer because we purchased frozen donor eggs due to my endometriosis and diminished ovarian reserve. To avoid compromising the DNA by thawing the purchased eggs and then refreezing the embryos for testing, our doctor advised us to go for a fresh transfer. To be honest, I’m terrified. Not having PGT testing feels like taking a leap of faith, where we have even less control over the situation. But, I’ve met many women in this community who had PGT-normal embryos that didn’t implant or miscarried before 12 weeks. And then of course there are a slew of success stories where embryos were not PGT tested. Recent controversy around PGT testing suggests that it may not always be 100% accurate and that some abnormalities can self-correct in the womb. So, the decision to undergo genetic testing is personal and depends on each couple’s unique situation – there truly is no right or wrong way, just what feels best for you!

Regardless of the route you choose, transferring an embryo is an incredibly stressful experience. It involves a tremendous amount of time, physical pain, mental endurance, and financial investment. The emotional and physical demands of egg retrievals are overwhelming, and the thought of going through more retrieval cycles after finally starting to transfer embryos is alarming.

The pressure to succeed after investing your life’s savings to have a child can feel suffocating. But remember, there are ways to cope with transfer nerves:

1. The failures of others are not predictive of your own outcome.
   • Each person’s body and medical situation are different, so avoid comparing yourself to others.
2. Understand that it may take 2-3 embryos to achieve success.
   • Every step forward brings you closer to the child you’re meant to have.
3. Accept that there are things beyond your control.
   • You’ve done your research and sought advice from experts and fellow warriors. Trust in the process and have faith.
4. Making it to a transfer is an accomplishment in itself.
   • Reflect on the setbacks, traumas, and hurdles you’ve already overcome. You’ve moved mountains.
5. You don’t owe anyone specific details about your transfer.
   • Share only if you want to. Protect your privacy and give yourself space to process before sharing.
6. Lean on your fellow warriors within the IVF community.
   • Connect with others who understand your fears and share in a safe space.
7. Manifest success and document precious moments.
   • Believe in the power of your transfer. Capture memories that you’ll cherish, regardless of the outcome. Get the damn fries (iykyk)
8. Keep yourself busy with activities that bring you joy
   • Indulge in the things you love before transfer. No one regrets taking time to prioritize themselves. Especially having that one last glass of wine or sushi date before you’re, hopefully, pregnant!
9. Prioritize self-care above all else.
   • This journey is profound, and you need to be kind to yourself. Release any guilt and focus on comfort, relaxation, and preparation. Everything else can wait.
10. What if it doesn’t work?
    • But what if it does?

Bonus tip: If you’re someone who finds comfort in planning (hi, me) use this time to discuss with your partner what plan B and C will look like, should things not go as planned for this transfer. For example, you could approach your partner and say “It would really help my anxiety to discuss what our next steps would be, should this transfer not be successful. Would we go right into another transfer? Try a new protocol? Take time off? Consider alternate routes? Do another egg retrieval? Let’s write down what our contingency plan looks like and get comfy with it, should we need to refer to it.”

Remember, there’s an entire team of fellow warriors who share your fears, tears, and years of dedication. We’re all pushing through the uncertainties and traumas of this journey. It may not feel fair now, but eventually, it will all be worth it. The path is uncertain but the end goal is clear. Stay strong and keep moving forward, one mountain at a time.