Our Journey to Baby Ferraro, A Poem

This poem was written on August 2, 2023, the morning that we received our first positive pregnancy test after an unbelievable, 2+ year fertility battle. If you’re going through infertility, and you feel like no one understands, I hope these words comfort your heart, today.

By: Erica Ferraro

The last two years were unfathomable,

They put us to the test.

Without even knowing it,

we were becoming blessed.

–

It all started in 2021,

when we decided to have a baby.

Little did we know,

the journey would be crazy..

–

One in six couples

struggles to conceive,

But why us? Why now?

How could this be?

–

One laparoscopy surgery,

and a fertility consult later.

We soon came to learn,

having a baby would not be in our favor.

–

For you see in order to make a baby,

we just assume the matter,

that eggs and sperm are abundant,

and we all get them on a silver platter.

–

However, this is not the truth for everyone,

no, not even close.

Many couples have neither eggs nor sperm,

and sometimes, they lack both!

–

Without these key ingredients,

what will we do?

How could it be possible,

to ever get to you?

–

And it wouldn’t be a battle,

unless everyone you knew,

was quite suddenly very pregnant,

completely out of the blue!

–

“Congratulations!” We expressed.

“I’m so excited for you!”

While my mental health deteriorated,

and our options were very few.

–

The torment of wanting a child,

and never knowing if it will be your turn,

is a type of earthbound suffering

I can’t fully put into words.

–

When you’re backed into a corner

and your options are slim,

you have no choice but to get creative,

and think of a new way to win.

–

You don’t know what you’re willing to do,

unless you have no choice.

There are many ways to process trauma,

but I decided to give it a voice.

–

To the internet I went,

to find other unlucky souls.

Who rarely make their presence known,

but online, their truths can be told.

–

I soon connected with fellow warriors,

amongst all the various conditions.

PCOS, Endo, RPL – you name it!

These are sisters who will listen.

–

They don’t tell you to relax,

or that it’s just not your time.

They know what it’s like to be excluded,

like infertility is a crime.

–

The more women I met,

the more obvious it became.

That the more we hide our experiences,

the more we feed into the shame.

–

Egg retrieval after failed egg retrieval,

an experimental PRP with more disappointment.

The year flew by and I was no closer

to a pregnancy appointment.

–

The decision finally came,

to move on from my own eggs.

Because the desire to become a mother,

became stronger than genetics begs.

–

There are angels who walk among us

that offer their organs on loaner.

But in my experience the most profound people,

are those who decide to be an egg or sperm donor.

–

Many times it is someone,

who feels called to this path.

A whisper from the heavens:

“Another family needs you, act fast!”

–

We were matched with our donor,

and everything felt right.

For the first time in years,

the future could be bright.

–

Genetics do not make a family,

even if they give us our fingers and toes.

Rather it’s our parent’s love and intention,

which creates all the people we know.

–

This path was not cheap,

and we needed some help.

Without fear we asked for support,

And an abundance of love we felt.

–

Through fundraising, blogging,

and new part time jobs,

the experience of parenthood,

we refused to be robbed.

–

I agreed to three months of torture;

to hopefully defy all odds,

that’s right, 30 years old,

I went through menopause!

–

The summer of 2023,

where I truly felt like a human shell.

I believe the devil himself,

couldn’t handle the heat of this hell.

–

But lo and behold,

our prayers were heard.

When we fertilized our donor eggs,

the doctor could barely get out a word!

–

For we had made five embryos

out of eight precious eggs.

From a complete stranger that I’ll never know,

who has changed our life in every way.

–

With five chances to have a baby,

The odds are now in our favor.

A positive pregnancy test would appear,

that we soon would savor.

–

“You’re going to hate being pregnant” they said.

“You’re going to be so sick.”

I laughed to myself, “well maybe, but

nothing will ever compare to having the other shit end of the stick.”

–

And so with gratitude, compassion,

and new empathy founded,

I stand before you today,

and I’m completely astounded.

–

I never thought this was possible,

it probably shouldn’t have been,

but thanks to science, determination, and the support of others,

We are now able to have our own kin.

–

We worked hard for this baby,

it was much more than a prayer.

It was a dedicated effort,

and it never once felt fair.

–

People do this for FREE?

How can it be so?

This has been the fight of a lifetime,

And it’s just the beginning of the show.

–

I wouldn’t wish this journey on anyone,

but if it has to be you, then, know this:

Hard setbacks make for stronger come backs,

and you will soon have your own baby to kiss.

–

Whoever, however,

whatever the way.

Our love was always meant to find you;

I can’t wait to meet you someday.